Awake nights

'Twas a difficult anniversary day today (well, yesterday really, as I'm writing this at just after 3.30am).
I know that my three siblings find the date hard too.
I had a brief text conversation with Big Sis, and sent a message to the two brothers, but didn't hear back from either of them.
It's 13 years since mum died in casualty in front of me.
She would have bloody loved the drama her dying so dramatically and unexpectedly created, but not the pain she left us in.  Thank God dad had died eleven years before; it would have broken his heart.

So yesterday evening, with the grown-up kids out for dinner, and the babies in bed, Man Wonderful and I sat and watched a little TV. (The last episode of season 1 of Grace and Frankie to kick off with, then a Celebrity Masterchef.)

We came to bed around 11, but I've been awake since 1.30.

It hits me like this sometimes.

I've checked my eBay selling, and popped a couple more things on for sale - I had the photos ready to go.
I've completed a couple of levels on the crossword game I enjoy.
I've read an interesting article about what I should - and shouldn't - take to sell at the Car Booty on Sunday.
It's a shame my knitting is downstairs and to get it would involve waking MW, as I could quite happily sit and knit until the sun comes up.  I finished another pair of socks and have cast on a third pair.  I don't need much light to knit by - this screen light would suffice.
My headphones are downstairs too - blast - or I could watch some catch-up telly on the iPlayer.
Ah well.
Talking to you is fun too!

I'm about to start a new reading book.
A friend gave me The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt as an end of term gift.
The reviews are excellent, and it looks like it'll be a thoroughly good read.
I'll let you know.

I've just finished re-reading the Marie Kondo book 'The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying: A Simple, Effective Way to Banish Clutter Forever'.  I say re-reading: I've actually just read it twice, cover to cover!
I really enjoyed the practical advice and the psychology behind it.
I know the book has had it's criticism, but if you see it as an insight into a different culture I think it sits more comfortably.

The de-cluttering success is a lot down to Ms Kondo.
Being able to look at items and decide if we can actually gat rid of them - or if they are important enough to earn a place with us as we move forward - is really cathartic.  I was able to finally ditch some photos I've had hanging around for almost 30 years: they gave me no pleasure, I just felt I should keep them.  Having permission to get rid of what is actually clutter is so freeing!

 A few blogposts ago I asked the question about what you would save from your house in an emergency (once the people and pets were safe).  One person said they couldn't leave many of their possessions, and would have to stay with the things. Another person said they could walk away with nothing: it was just things, after all.

It's all related.
This week we've sold antique items including a clock from an uncle who is not even remembered, some Butlins badges that have no meaning, and a pre-war powder compact with a broken mirror that's been kept in a box for the best part of 30 years.   Just things.

I've kept two new, unworn jumpers for 15 years that my mum knitted for MW and myself.
Mine is a little too small for me and MW won't wear this style of jumper. (Aran handknits.)
I've tried his on and it's perfect; big and baggy to wear with jeans in the Winter.
And I'm going to unravel my one and re-use the yarn.
That's better than them just being in my drawer for another 15 years! 

Well it's 4am now.
I'm going to try to sleep again.
I've just Googled 'What time is sunrise today?' and got the reply, 5:11, so if I ca t get off I can 
watch the sunrise today with a hot cuppa: I'm usually asleep for it, so it'll be nice to watch the light change.

I hope you had a good night's sleep and have woken to today nicely refreshed.



  1. Hope you are not too tired today after your busy night in blogland!

  2. I've found you at last! I used to follow you before and still have the button heart I won on your blog. Hope you are well.

  3. I hope you are feeling better today and have a better night tonight.
    Sometimes the brain will just not let you rest.
    Thank you for sharing about your Mum, I had a similar experience, except I was in the US and had to quickly fly home. Memories can be very painful.
    Take care of yourself,
    Love from Pam in TX.xx

  4. I was so sorry to read the above - it must be a very sad time for you all each year. (((((hugs))))).
    J x


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