Feeling blue?

No, not a post about colours today.

On days when there's no blog post, it can mean that I'm struggling just to be upright.
I've always been honest on my blog: no point otherwise, is there?
So that also means writing about the crap times too.

My family are great - I genuinely don't know how they cope with my low moods.

It wasn't until I had a breakdown that I suffered with depression.
I knew folk who were affected, and to be very honest with you, I felt pretty helpless as I just didn't know what to do to help them.  
It's awful seeing someone in pain and not being able to do a thing to make it better.
At times I just wished that there was a pill, or a magic button, or a recipe I could bake for them: even if it meant doing so once a week...but no such thing.

Since it happened to us, I've lost a lot of "friends" due to the condition and how it touches every part of your life.  They just found it too hard? I was too different after my breakdown?

Even my "best" friend simply closed her door.  
We had been close friends for years.  
Our girls had gone to school together. 
We'd cooked, cleaned and sewed alongside each other.  

Then one day when I was at an all-time low, she sent me the most God-awful text messages (which I still have), told me to forget our friendship (in no uncertain terms) and has continued to tell the nation all about being a savvy saver and a happy housewife, painting such a picture.. But I digress, and that is maybe for another blogpost.

Truly the only way through this up and down labyrinth that is depression is to just hang on; because it will pass.

That's what Man Wonderful will say to me when I'm at my lowest: this will pass, this will pass.

And eventually it does, until the next time, it does.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. hugs to you
    would reading through old blog posts help on bad days as a testament to how far u have come

    i wouldnt worry about certain bloggers im sure karma is on its way and i think a fair few folk have seen through the holier than thouness of her

    i enjoy your blog feel your pain and wish you well

    dont publish this if it concerns u...im ok if u do or u dont
    keep strong and blog so peeps can try and help although i agree it is so hard to help but people really want to


  3. I'm sorry to hear that, Tracey. I cannot understand why someone would go out of their way to deliberately cause someone such hurt and upset.
    I am pleased you are surrounded by the love and support of your family. X

  4. Tracey... depression is a horrid illness and everyone fights their way out in different ways. No one has a right to tell you any different. Support is the most important thing and I am categorically sure that without the support of my wonderful family then I would not be the person I am today either. The loss of people is inevitable as they are weal and cannot cope with it... they are the losers as we fight on and keep the main people who we need and love us. People who claim to be "helpers" and then judge are nothing of the sort and I feel a "spring clean" of these types of people is the best way - even though at the time it may hurt like hell :( People who count are here for you xxxxxxx stay strong

  5. Hello Tracey. Been there and done so I know what it feels like. What I would like to say is - reach into your soul and recognise your strength. You have named your blog 'My Beautiful Life' which to me is testament to your present situation. Vanessa is right when she says other people are the losers. Take strength from that and move on, and use the blog as a tool to an easier future.

  6. You're very lucky to have such a wonderfully supportive family, Tracey. And yes it will pass....as you know and as do I, from personal experience. I have a wonderful best friend, who finds it really hard to cope with or even understand me when I am in the grip of the black dog.....we just sort of tiptoe around each other until the black dog passes. I do understand that some people just aren't equipped to deal with depression, they don't know how to. No excuse for downright spite though. I hope it passes soon for you xx

  7. I have close family who have had serious mental health issues and it's terrible. Much love to you and I am so very glad that you are climbing back out of the deep, dark pit.

  8. Hey bugger lugs, I know exactly what you mean and share the same losses, dips, highs and knowledge that life is never the same once bitten by the dog. I think you know tis not empty words from this rotund and simple Welshman when I offer my friendship and whatever else I can to ease you when you're blue.

  9. Dear Tracey, I really enjoy reading your blog for its honesty - and for the values you communicate so clearly by the way in which you live. Thank you for another post telling it how it is! Hope you are feeling better today xxx

  10. Sadly Tracey "true and loyal" friends can be very hard to find, you are much better off without "said" friend although it's still very painful that someone has hurt you so much by her callous behaviour. I too have a close family member who has mental health issues, it's very upsetting and I feel helpless at times, like your family Tracey I surround them with love and give them all the support possible. You are blessed with an amazing family who love you dearly, it is a beautiful love surrounded by love. Thinking of you and sending special thoughts♥ Linda xx

  11. I like your honesty about your depression. I am not a sufferer of this affliction and as yet have not, knowingly, met anyone with it either. Reading your posts helps me to understand it a little bit and maybe help me to be supportive should I ever come into contact with it.

  12. Nothing more to say except big hugs, surround yourself with the love of your family. Know that Karma is a "bitch" and will eventually catch up with certain people. Lynda xx

  13. Friends are a bonus, especially good ones, but they are very hard to find. Truly, an understanding family is really all that matters. xx

  14. Depression truly is a black dog that can follow us around for years. Winter here makes me very low.

    I truly think you should have left the first comment up for all to see. I've seen many comments from her that I literally couldn't believe my eyes when I read them. But since the revamp of her blog, they have disappeared.

    Truth is stranger than fiction and until people see things for themselves they doubt the reality.

  15. For someone to not be able to cope with a friend with depression is one thing. For someone to treat you, to treat anyone, in the way that she did is simply unforgiveable. Far better to say nothing and just remove yourself, than to add to the troubles of someone who is already unable to cope. I'm sad that you've found out that way what sort of person she is, but I suspect to many of us who read her blog it hasn't come as much of a surprise. I suspect you are far better off without her, to be honest. xx


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