Another awake night

 and a catch up with you!

I spoke to the specialist nurse this week in a three-monthly telephone call. 

First I wanted to know will I have this condition (epilepsy for those who don't know) for the rest of my life, or will it disappear sometime in the future?

She said at my age, and with the amount of medication it is taking to try and control the seizures, that I will have it for life.

I am actually OK with that. 

It's part of me, good or bad, it's part of what makes me me.

I had the same news from the MH consultant about my other condition, PTSD - he said I will be on the current level of medication - or higher - for life.  

That's OK.

It's good to know.

I don't have to think about ever driving again, or ever going back to my career.

Sometimes it gets to me, I'll be honest; but it is still good to know. 

I can plan ahead then.

So I am having another awake night.

This was second thing I spoke to the specialist nurse about.

It turns out it's not the meds I am on.

As my brain replays everything through on nights like this, instead of switching off and going to sleep, it seems more likely it is a symptom of the PTSD.

Ah well.

Make the most of it, I say.

I know that tomorrow will be affected, but that's OK.  We can cope with that.

I've planned this week's meals based on what we already have.

I'm writing to you, and then I'm going to sink into my book.

I'm currently reading 'World Without End' by Ken Follett.

Gorgeous Daughter collects books from all over, when people are giving them away. Some she keeps, some she sells online and others she gives away again.

Always she asks me and Man WOnderful to have a look through in case we fancy something.

Two weeks ago I picked out three Ken Follett's from a haul she had collected that day.  I had not read these before, and really enjoyed 'Pillars of the Earth'.

These are set in medieval times, people and their lives centred around the creating by hand of stone buildings/churches/etc. There is some brutality and some love - but in all it is an absorbing read.


What are you reading at the mo?

Do you get awake nights - and what helps you?

Take care,

Tracey xx


  1. I had a night of churning and replaying last night, I dropped off eventually but when I woke up I was soaked to the skin. Lovely! I listen to the World Service when I have nights like that as all the big worldwide news stories make me feel like a teeny insignificant dot and it can help to downsize the thoughts. Hope you're having a good morning my lovely.

  2. I’m sorry to hear your struggles but you’ve accepted them very gracefully. I’m listening to an audio book titled The help. I have quite a few nights exactly as you described, my brain injury causes my brain to not shut down many nights, I’ve been taking melatonin to help sleep come. I usually sleep well the next night, Take care,

  3. Sorry to hear about your epilepsy and PTSD, no wonder you are having sleepless nights.


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