This should make you smile!

Thought I'd share some funny stories today, in case anyone needs a giggle.

These are all true.

My first week of teaching.

There I was, in a bright and cheery classroom, with 25 twelve-year-olds sat in a semi-circle in front of me.

I had on a smart blazer, high heels and an ankle-length pleated skirt.  

I sat on a stool, crossed my legs and placed my planner on my lap.  I was in Mary Poppins mode.

A boy put his hand up politely.

"Do you need the toilet?" I said.

"No Miss" he replied.

"Could you wait until after I've taken the register then please?" I said.

The boy put his hand down.

Once I finished taking the register, I went straight into explaining what we would be doing that lesson.

The boy put his hand up again.

"Do you think you are in the correct classroom?" I asked.

"Oh, yes Miss", he responded quite cheerfully.

"Then if you just wait until I finish explaining the lesson, I might have already answered any query you might have, OK?" I smiled at him, he smiled back.

About five minutes later I completed the description of the fun lesson ahead and turned to the lad.  "Have I answered your question?"

He replied - 

"I didn't have a question Miss; it's just that when you sat down and crossed your legs, everyone over this side of the room can see your knickers."

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Expensive pick-and-mix

When I was a student I went on a first date with a very nice chap to the Cinema.

He was waiting outside for me, and he paid for my ticket to see the film.

When we got to the refreshments counter, I said I would be getting some popcorn, and he said he would buy some pick-and-mix. (For non-UK readers, pick and mix is where a selection of small sweets are in tubs and you choose what you'd like.  This is then weighed and you pay by weight for what you've chosen.  The sweets are mixed together, hence pick and mix.)

I was served with my paper box of popcorn and waited for the chap to buy his confectionery.

Now, my popcorn was about £2.

I stood by the scales as chap's pick and mix was weighed, and the server said, 

"That's twelve pounds fifty please."

The chap, red-faced, got out cash and paid the server, clearly embarrassed that he'd been so greedy to put so many sweets in his paper bag.

I was shocked.

£12.50?  On sweets??  Just for him???

We didn't speak as we found the screen and sat down together.

We watched the previews and adverts in silence.

I nibbled on my popcorn slowly.

Then chap suddenly blurted out "Oh no!!"

I turned to look where he was looking, down into his paper bag where there, amongst the sweets was the metal scoop used to pick out your mix.

He'd only bloody paid for the weight of the metal bloody scoop!!!

Suffice it to say I only went on one date with this chap.

Twerp!!

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WARNING - this tale has a fanny in it.  

Wrong time of the month?

My best friend was sat having a coke and a pasty with me in our local cafe one Saturday lunchtime.  We were about 14. A pasty was a regular treat.

"Periods are really painful, aren't they?" she said.

"Hmm, I guess it's a bit uncomfortable?" I replied, munching on my pasty.

"Do you think women who shave off their hair - you know, down there  - do you think it's easier for them?" she said.

"What?" I asked

"Periods, do you think it's easier for women who don't have pubic hair?" she asked again.

"Why on earth would having hair or not make a difference to your periods?" I was bemused.

"Because those pads really hurt when you have to pull them off your fanny," she replied, in all seriousness.

"You idiot!" I said, "You stick the pad on your knickers, not on yourself!!"

She'd been putting them on upside down for over a year and waxing herself each time she went to the loo!!

She's a nurse now.  True story!

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I hope at least one of these made you giggle.

Lots of love,

Tracey xx