Don't beat yourself up!
I remember my 40th birthday.
I was a successful middle-manager at an outstanding local secondary school.
We lived in a beautiful modern house with every new gadget going.
We both had a car.
We holidayed three times a year.
We hosted dinner parties regularly, and had a large number of friends.
My 40th birthday party was at a stunning restaurant in the city centre: 40 guests, a live band, a burlesque dancer..
Because of the injuries I sustained during a hideous physical assault I was no longer able to work.
We had a much smaller income.
I did not want to be in any debt, so we sold the house and one car, and anything we didn't need anymore/could live without.
The 'friends' we had halved, then quartered. Some people can't deal with mental health issues and I was diagnosed with PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I was scared. Of almost everything.
I couldn't leave the house at times, I was a different person.
Someone I held very dear said they could no longer be in my life - We had been at each other's weddings (I was witness to hers) and I still follow her very frugal blog to this day.
I lost so much due to being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
None of the above was my fault.
But I spent SIX YEARS blaming myself.
Beating myself up.
Today I know that I am a different person but that's OK.
I have Man Wonderful and Gorgeous Daughter who stood by me and still stand by me.
There are some days when it feels like there is just no point - but I know to hold on because it gets better.
But I no longer beat myself up about it.
Yes, I have to take medication every day - ok, so do millions of people.
Yes, I put on a huge amount of weight (in my eyes) - but I will lose that again.
Yes I avoid going to places I could easily have gone to before - but this might improve with time.
I accept none of it was/is my fault.
We all beat ourselves up one way or another at times - we can be our own worst enemy.
Choose to stop and start cherishing yourself.
It feels much more positive when you can.